Potty Witch

Well, as most of my blog friends know by now, my three-year-old speaks her mind, and it's not always full of intelligent, caring thoughts, but I am outsmarting her, at least for now.
Let's go back eight months. That is when I began the process of potty training her. I'm now thinking it would have been easier to potty train a litter of cats, and I don't mean domestic ones.

Here's just a synopsis of what has gone on:

I've given every incentive I can find, tattooed her with Cinderella, Snow White, Dora, Aerial - you name it. She's so inked up that she is starting to look like she should be hanging at a triker bar instead of preschool.

I may soon lose my library card due to the fact that my reading list contains more books that contain the words "poop" and "pee" than are allowed.

She now has a plain potty seat, a Dora potty seat and a Princess Throne potty.

She can take off and put on her own pull-up.

Oh and my favorite, she's eaten her weight in M&Ms.

In other words, she has the upper hand. It's not pretty, Dr. Dobson wouldn't be proud, neither would Dr. Spock for that matter.

A few months ago, we hired the potty whisperer to come. On the phone, she told me that for $60, she would have her fully trained by mid-December. She came the day before Thanksgiving and we are still wearing pull-ups.

Said daughter did not like the woman and it was very obvious. After an hour of bathroom torture, my precious little girl changed the Potty Whisperer's name to Potty Witch. Soon after, she got on her broom and flew away - never to return! That money was down the toilet - at least something made it there.

Well, now I get to the good part, the part where I have the upper hand. I have recently discovered that all I have to do is utter the words "potty witch" and whatever she is doing wrong is automatically corrected.

If she needs to clean her room and won't do it... I no longer resort to singing that silly song, "Clean up, clean up" I just softly whisper "potty witch" and reach for the phone. She goes into speed cleaning mode.

If she won't eat her dinner, the same trick can be used. We've had a clean plate every night for two weeks!

Hey, I may not have gotten the promised goods from the P.W., but I'm getting my money's worth!